oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
