if i can run in heels then i can drive
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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