dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can u get pink eye on your cock?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
