We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
