dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
