Can i not drive my cunt home
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
