I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
