I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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