she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he thought i was a dude.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
