just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
