At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
