No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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