is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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