So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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