She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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