I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
