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Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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