I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
