I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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