The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
