Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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