he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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