A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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