my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
