he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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