Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
