do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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