Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
