Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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