Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
