He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
