Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
