Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
