Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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