You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
