Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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