We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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