Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
someone owes me an orgasm
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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