Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
