Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
