Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
