Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
