All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
