every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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