bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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