spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
