when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
