If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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