Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
