yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
