the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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