I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
