I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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