so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
