Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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