There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
