OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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