So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
