I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He better not be in your backpack
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
