so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
