And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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