so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
