peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
