Please, let me fuck your mom
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
