I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
