we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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