I just threw up on my dentist
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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