The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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